Fasting to Overcome Eating Disorder : Advice Wanted

by Erica Berica
(Colorado)

Hey all,

I am going on a water fast. However I don't know how long I'll be doing it for. I would like to do it for 18 days to start and work up to forty days even.

But see here's the thing: I'm just going to say that I'm going to do it for however long I can. I know this sounds kind of ridiculous but I just picked up a really bad habit..again - Bulimia.

I picked up the eating disorder about 2 1/2 years ago. Not good at all. Diet pills and obsessive eating. My body was pretty messed up. I have done some drugs in the past right before that whole episode occurred so I know my body has been through some rough times.

And just recently I started binging and purging. This morning I thought I had enough self control to stop but I saw some delicious toast with butter and honey..and well.. then I ate till I felt pretty uncomfortable.

Not good. And people die from this. So I don't want to be on a feeding tube. And still I want to lose weight. I am 20 years old. My family knows about my eating disorders and all that.

So if they know that I'm doing this water fast they are going to think I'm pretty crazy and try to get me help or just be harrassing me about it.

It's really stressful and annoying to me. So anywho, I'm going to try to hide this whole fasting thing from everyone. Is that good or bad? I feel like I'm going to be judged for this post, but this is really my thoughts on this and I am being open and honest about this.

I would also like to benefit spiritually from this and grow closer to God and really focus on loving others etc. so it's not only for losing weight and all that jazz. So I am starting today.

I haven't eaten anything besides this morning with my last bulimic episode. I am really tempted and excited for Halloween to go crazy again and hoard a whole bunch of chocolaty candy and eat it and you know... do that bulimic thing.

It's totally stupid I admit. But maybe starting this fasting thing will help me from doing that stupid thing to my body.

I wanna start treating my body like a temple not like a garbage disposal and waste food like that. I want to feel good about myself and not guilty and self loathing because I ate like a half loaf of bread and go all bulimic and know that I've wasted that much food.

So there you go. Any advice?