Fighting With Bullimia - I Need Help!

by Victoria
(Germany)

Hi everyone!

I have been fighting with bulimia for the past few months...

I have had ´bulimic crisis´ the past years but they would be really rare...like one every 3 months or so.

I have dieted so many times, being obsessed with my weight and looks. Counting calories and feeling guilty if I would eat like 100 calories more!

I have abused my body so much...consecutive dieting, starvation, bulimia. Now I have reached the point where I binge (but I can´t purge anymore, it´s painful and I literally can´t), upset my stomach and get diarrhea automatically (btw, I have never used laxatives in my life). I have tried and tried and tried to start a healthy lifestyle...treat my body the way it deserves.

But it´s been a vicious circle. I have fasted for 12 days last January...but gained the weight back after binging and purging. Fasted again after 10 days....same stuff.

This vicious circle makes me feel helpless...As I said I would start eating healthy and work out and then after a few days binge and then don´t eat for some days for feeling guilty.

I have to stop this and I don´t know how...I have gained weight for mistreating my body and I sometimes get swollen out of water retention. I am not privileged to see a doctor or go for therapy...because I know that the real reasons are deep down.

I pray to God to help me, but I know I am the one who has to help me. I am just tired...alone...to do this.


Victoria