I REALLY Need Some Help To See Me Through a 40 Day Fast

by Lucy
(UK)

Hi Everyone!

THIS IS A LONG POST BUT I FEEL I SHOULD EXPLAIN MY SITUATION SO PLEASE BEAR WITH ME.

I want to do a 40 day fast beginning 17th June and wondered if anyone else is beginning a fast too?

I'm 26 and since moving home I've gone from being a successful, independent and attractive girl to a fat, depressed recluse.

I had to move back to my mum's house after 8 years away from home after a break up. I started taking some sleeping pills (Zopiclone) that triggered binge eating and I went from an active, healthy lifestyle to a desperately unhealthy one.

I stopped taking the pills when I realized they were the cause of my horrendous gorging but had already been on a high dose for 5 months and lost my job, my confidence and my fit body.

I managed to get away for a month and completed a water fast of 28 days and started exercising again and felt and looked almost like my usual self.

However, despite returning to my thin self, as soon as I got back to my mum's the mental and physical symptoms I'd experienced on the sleeping pills manifested again and I have gained 40lbs in two months.

I am overeating by days worth everyday and everything is fatty, processed, carb-loaded - the complete opposite to my mostly raw food diet pre-Zopiclone.

I feel ill and sad and frustrated and overwhelmed. I cannot believe after completing a fast and feeling I was getting my life back that I came back here and it started again.

I desperately miss having my own home and space and the psychological effect of having to return to the place where everything happened proved too much for me.

Because of the issues which arise here, nothing that I would do ordinarily to be thin and healthy feels right here. So it feels wrong to exercise and eat small, healthy meals and snacks.

I feel like I'm not allowed to return to the body I am comfortable in and worked hard to maintain. It is like something takes over here and I feel condemned to this.

Whereas I found it pleasurable to fast before - it was a relief to feel free of food - I am now heavier than when I began last time and because of my unpleasant associations with this house I feel unable to fast here. But I am desperate to lose this weight and regain my health.

I have nowhere else to go and so here is the only place available to me to beat this. I just feel so disheartened that I have already done this once - fasted, lost weight, regained my health - and I feel that if I couldn't succeed here after that, when I was thin and hopeful, how can I now?

Right now I'm just feeling very ashamed and overwhelmed and angry with myself - NOT emotions conducive to fasting. I am just frustrated that I can beat this when I am away from here and I wish so much I'd never come back.

I understand this may be a depressing read but I'm ordinarily a bright and optimistic person. I really believe in the healing benefits of fasting. I am great at supporting others but have lost the ability to motivate myself. (It's like I become a completely other person the moment I enter this house).

THIS IS A LONG POST I KNOW! I would just really appreciate some fasting support and am so willing to give it in return.

Thank you so much for reading this - I look forward to reading responses.

Lucy

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