Torchbearer - Fasting & Overcoming Compulsive Eating - Support/Motivation Wanted! :-)

by TorchBearer
(Florida, USA)

I am really please to have found this site. I have read many of the postings and want to thank all of you for your open hearts and generous sharing.

Weight has been a lifelong issue on my path. Food has served almost every role ranging from a great comforter to a controlling vice that has caught me in a web of addiction and despair.

At 47 I have just now become willing to pluck this weed out of my garden and be done with it forever. I have tried so many diets and entertained compulsion, bulimia and depression all to manage the symptoms of this wild energy that I have allowed to take me over.

Well that day is done. I signed up for the 9 month course and I can feel that green monster inside starting to recoil. I made a list of my trigger foods and that was very helpful...for a day - and then like a steam roller today I was overwhelmed and ate those foods.

The difference is that instead of becoming "one" with the compulsion I stayed calm and just observed it. Studying it so I can destroy it's power. The food doesn't even taste that good. It is such a crazy experience. All that energy over something like a bagel.

I am in the peak of menopause and my hormones change so rapidly within the day it is super hard to remain even keeled or even stable at times. it's like my hormones amplify all my negative food issues and flood them into my mind until they outpicture into action.

A few months ago I could fast so easily and I never felt better. The calm peace and freedom it gave me was life changing and I know it to be my true path for healing and spiritual unity.

These days I find my mind won't let go of any of the positive chemicals that keep me on track and it keeps flooding my mind and body with these discordant energies that have prevented me from making it through even a 24 hour fast. And I have even loosened my rules, I am allowing black coffee and fresh lemon juice...still these negative energies drain my inner voice and I am not sure how to gain command.

My challenge is getting the mind to be my servant instead of it being in control. I am confident if I can get through my first two days of fasting I can complete a 10-14 day fast and regain that poise and vitality I am missing. I am tempted to just lock myself in a hotel for two days with a few jugs of distilled water and force the issue but I am not sure that will work.

I was wondering if anyone has experienced something similar and if so how they found the light. I am deeply spiritual and I know for sure that over coming my issues with food is the Will of God for me so I can not fail...The trick is that I want my victory NOW. Any tips or suggestions would be deeply appreciated.

With Love and Light
Torchbearer